I saw Madame Web for free and I still want my money back. Yes, the new Sony-Marvel comic book movie is as advertised: a sloppy, terribly written mess that would have been considered bad even had it been released in the decade it appears it was made: the mid-90s.
Dakota Johnson stars as the confused protagonist who starts seeing fragments of the future, casting her into an uninspired web of lame action, questionable plotting, and shitty acting.
Johnson is far from good as the title character, but it’s clear the dreadful screenplay—presumably written on a soggy napkin—is much to blame. The rest of the cast, including Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, and Celeste O’Connor, all look lost playing obnoxious and shallow teenagers. Meanwhile, poor Tahar Rahim is absolutely terrible as one of the worst villains ever put to screen.
But truly, the writing is tepid. It is rank. It makes you dumber just listening to the words spoken. The story is unintentionally silly, the dialogue is offensively bad, and the whole thing is just a disaster from start to finish.
On the positive side, Madame Web squarely falls in the “so bad it’s good” category—it is unintentionally entertaining, stunningly baffling, and at times earnestly amusing. But only in small bursts.
That doesn’t make Madame Web worth the price of admission. I still want my money back.
Review by Erik Samdahl unless otherwise indicated.